so what's up with me and late nights..
maybe is just the after midnight dance of a soul that tries to make sense of this place
in the process never totally finding it convincing, and failing miserably
, yet somehow feeling totally cool with that.
This is not home, and I am happy its not..
as much as my flesh tries to hold on to this... 
deep inside i know... where my inheritance is from..
 Home is above. With YOU.. and without the
me part that i hate so much.

so yeah.. yesterday i got to think a lot about Maryland, Ecuador, California, and all the different places that I was able to live... The places, locations, views, and all that stuff, that once it pops in your mind.. you can't help but smile and remember of amazing times.

 Most importantly, the voices, sounds, even smells of those people that made those places so dear and now permanent in our lifes... tonight i can look back and get sad that i am not there, I can get depressed over the fact that i dont get to see those people. But what would be the purpose of that... question a Creator that has a perfect plan.. actually take a lot of the beauty and uniqueness of those moments and make them bland, and generic... So yeah i love you too much to dwell on them in that way... I can lift my chin up, drop a prayer for you, and finalize it with gratefulness that I was able to feel. that i was able to learn, that through those moments i was able to experience a lil glimpse of love "and not that romantic type only" but real love... as of a friend that give His life for his friends.. in some way i feel that a part of me is in different places, and its ok, Sacrifice, and love brings pain... yet altough you have part of me, i am totally complete here... i love it!

once again the prayer for tonight i guess it would be.. to let go of the past... not as in forget.*even tho some stuff i do try to forget* but to cherish those times, and for them to become the fuel that powers a regenerated Heart... and a Heart that is longing to learn love from You, and what is life with You.

life is amazing...

 to refuse and take You for granted
and abuse the grace that's been planted
my confused heart for hope that i wanted
for so long i have longed and i've wandered

my prayer now to change this heart
where sin's chain have taken a part
no fancy lines or pure art
intricate bla bla.. is not what you want
as i depart, i dont want to sound smart 
my pure conviction is a new start
by your Love to be set apart

open my eyes and enjoy the morning rays
of the sun above as i count my days
of regeneration and how you change my ways
into a new creation.. forever i'll Praise

juan